How to support someone who’s struggling

When someone we love is struggling, the fear of saying the wrong thing can leave us saying nothing at all. Usually, presence matters far more than the perfect words.

What actually helps

You don’t need to fix anything. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere” often lands harder than any advice. Ask what they need, and be willing to just sit with them in it.

Look after yourself too. Supporting someone is easier when you’re not running on empty — and it’s okay to gently point them toward professional help.

Start with presence, not solutions

When someone we love is hurting, the instinct is to fix it. But most people who are struggling don’t need a plan — they need to feel less alone in it. Listening well is often the most useful thing you can offer.

Things that tend to help

Ask open questions, then really listen: “How are you, actually?” or “What’s that been like for you?” Resist the urge to jump straight to advice or silver linings.

Follow up. A simple “I’ve been thinking about you — no need to reply” can mean more than you’d expect, especially days or weeks later, once everyone else’s concern has faded.

What to gently avoid

Try not to minimise (“at least…”), compare (“I know exactly how you feel”), or rush them toward being okay. You don’t need the perfect words — “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here” is more than enough.

And remember you’re not their therapist. Encouraging someone toward professional support, while looking after your own wellbeing too, isn’t giving up on them. It’s part of caring for them well.